My Jive WIth RIVE

After some planning, Ruined for Life will be trying out a little experiment with a Christian clothing company, RIVE. (Just think of 'jive' when you say 'RIVE,' and you won't get the pronunciation wrong.) RIVE originally contacted me because they wanted to manufacture a 'Ruined for Life' line of men's Speedos, which would be produced 3 sizes smaller than advertised as sort of a joke, and to actually ruin the lives of the people that wore them or saw them being worn. I passed on the Speedo offer, but said a 'Ruined for Life' t-shirt might be really sweet. They laughed.

Basically, RIVE is a new-ish clothing company that has hip, edgy, Christian themes - not of the WWJD... FAKB variety (i.e. What Would Jesus Do... For a Klondike Bar). There are 5 basic reasons I like these guys - whom I'll introduce via interview in a moment:

1) The clothes are genuinely cool - and rely on artistic quality to attract attention, as opposed to a generic or obnoxious, "Don't Blame Jesus for Sending You to HELL" type message. Just check them out... you'll know what I mean.
2) Each t-shirt design gives 10% of it's proceeds to a different charity of the designer’s choice. Did I mention you should buy the Ruined for Life Speedo for your loved one (coming soon)?
3) They partner with ethical, socially conscious manufacturers. That means there may be a premium, but you can be assured it's great quality, and not keeping a kid out of school and in a factory somewhere.
4) They are featuring Ruined for Life in their RIVE blog sections, because they want their site to be sort of a center for Christian-based media and engaging content, which of course, goes with Ruined for Life like sizzle does steak.
5) They are giving me and my wife a free t-shirt. And a new house (by the way guys, can you send us the escrow papers when you get a chance?).

So, you can find RFL over at RIVE, and you'll be able to hop on over to RIVE using the nifty button I've put in the left-bar links. Essentially, we're just saying, "hey, you - you with all that awesomeness. Let's let our awesomenesses make some babies" - without some of the implications that might normally imply. Who knows where it will go...

Who is behind RIVE? Adam Zarlengo and Tuck Ross. I had the chance to meet up with these brothers at Chili's, where the Spirit is always thick (both in the 'Holy' sense, and the 'byproduct of a gastrointestinal process' sense). I put them through the usual, rigorous interview, so that my readers would get a feel for who they were. [Note: due to a coke being spilled on the notepad where I took notes from this interview, some answers may reflect my best attempt to remember the subtle nuances in the wording of their answers. In order to maintain the highest journalistic integrity, I noted anything that was from memory alone in italic typeface].

Q: Where were you born?
(Adam): In a hospital.
(Tuck): The bathroom sink. Just over there.

Q: How old are you guys?
(Tuck): Purple, with shades of chartruse.
(Adam): Yes. Probably.

Q: What do you do with RIVE?
(Adam): I handle all of the shouting, laughing, business development, and punctuation.
(Tuck): Mostly, I like to draw pictures of monkeys. But these monkeys are gifted illustrators, that draw clothing designs. Monkeys are so talented?
(Adam): Tuck, I told you not to put question marks at the end of statements. LEAVE THE PUNCTUATION TO ME!!! HAHHH HAH HAHHH HA!
(Tuck): ...
(Adam): HAHA! Ha! Ha.

[awkward silence...]

Q: What is RIVE trying to do/be, exactly? What is the premise behind the company?
(Tuck): We want to be an edgy, monkey friendly, relevant, Christian speedo line - with clothes that are bold and wedgie resistant, but without judgment.
(Adam): I think there are a lot of people out there that would love to wear a Christian speedo line of clothing, but not dumb stuffed animals. We want to be the premiere Christian underground brand - and our tithe design is to make sure we're giving back meaningfully in a way that doesn't involve stealing or ultimate cagefighting. Not that there is anything wrong with cagefighting.
(Tuck): Holla.

Q: Have you ever considered a Christian burlap lingerie line? I've got some really great ideas. I feel like scratchy/sexy is really in right now...
(Tuck and Adam): Brilliant, just brilliant, etc. We'll make it happen, etc.

Q: Great, great. In a perfect world, where would you see RIVE in 5 years?
(Tuck): It depends on whether or not time travel has been invented yet.
(Adam): I'd probably answer differently. But beyond that - maybe a Christian media company that encompasses music, media, and apparel - and that is welcoming and loving of people who enjoy nude knitting.

So hop on over to RIVE, and say hello to some new friends, and maybe even buy a shirt or twelve. And, if enough of you send in requests... MAYBE I'll allow the RFL Speedo to go into production.

Press Release

HONG KONG - Official notice was served to Chinese authorities last week to expect a long-awaited shipment of Van Velzers in August. Following the announcement, spontaneous public celebration echoed throughout major metropolitan areas in mainland China.

"We are thrilled," commented Hu Jintao. "The Van Velzers are hot like Kung Pao Chicken right now, and China welcomes them with open arms."
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I realized it's been a "somewhat slow" two months for the old blog (ironically, they have been my best months yet in terms of unique visitors... maybe people are trying to tell me NOT to blog...). In my defense, however, the last months have been full of at least 10,000 trips out of town, a ridiculously busy work schedule, an unsuccesful attempt to be the first man to circumnavigate the globe on a camel, and probably one of the biggest life decisions my wife and I have had to make yet in our relatively young, married lives- answering the call to move to China this fall. The e-mails have been sent out at work, and it's official - we'll be leaving for Hong Kong the second week of August, and we'll be in Beijing by January after that.

This has been coming for a long time - and after a lot of prayer, fasting, and magic-8 ball consultation, it is finally here. Although it will be bittersweet to lose close physical proximity with our friends, families and coworkers, we couldn't be more convinced that this is the right decision if it came up and bit on the bottom us in a warm, fuzzy kind of way.

It's a bittersweet decision. We really do have almost everything we could want out of life here. We've got friends and family close by. We've got a spiritual community that we love. We have great, fulfililng jobs with coworkers who are associates but also sincere friends. We have an ocean view at work and home every day. Throw in an Xbox, toilets, and showers, and we've got it fully made. But that's just it - although it is our decision, it's clearly what God has for us in this next season of our lives.

What will we be doing, you ask? We'll be staying with Corrie's fam in Hong Kong for the first four months in order to get to know our soon-to-be newly adoped Chinese sister (much more on this in future blogs - but this is the main reason we are going to Hong Kong first, instead of straght to Beijing). We'll be studying Mandarin full-time starting in Hong Kong, and continue in Beijing. After that, we'll do whatever we feel led to do - might be teaching, might be business, might be finally launching our own bourgeoise clothing line of burlap-lingere named "Chaffe" (with a french-ish accent on the end, pronounced chah-fee"). The possibilities are endless... especially in China.

I can't tell you how excited we are - not because we expect it to be an idyllic adventure in a foreign land - but because we know it's exactly where we're being led. It's the excitement of not knowing what is in store other than the fact that we are Known by the One that matters - and as such, we couldn't be in better hands. So feel free to pray with us, especially that we'll make the transition to Chinese toilets quickly and 'without incident.'

I'm back, and I'll be blogging again. Thanks for hanging in there. (And thanks to those of you who have dropped my a line via the mailbox and who I have been too retarded not to take 5 minutes to respond to in the last few months - I'll be e-mailing you soon!)