How Do I Respond To Pain, Redux

Ok, so I'm sitting in the airport in Nashville, TN. - on a much longer layover than I expected, en route to St. Louis. And of course, gnawing on my conscience like a rat on a cheeto is the fact that I haven't done a post to RFL since (insert incredibly witty statment here that makes you think, "God, it was worth reading this post just for that!").

So I'm pulling the ultimate blogger no-no; I am about to complete the web equivalent of spitting your gum out on the sidewalk in Singapore, or buying a Kevin Federline album. I'm reposting a blog from almost a year ago.

I know. But in my defense, I don't think most of my current readers take the time to go alll the way back to read my early stuff, and frankly, I had some good early stuff that I still think about and process from time to time. The problem was, my early stuff was read by RFL's two unique visitors at the time - namely, myself and Andrew Brumme, and now sits buried under over a year's worth of other postings. Here's the deal though: now that RFL has over 2,000 unique visitors a month, I would actually like to expand this posting with your help.

In the later part of the blog, there are some listings for different knee-jerk euphamisms or responses to the experience of pain in other people's lives... now is your chance to add the stock responses and an appropriate name in the comments section! I know there are more readers now... but I have such a totally suck-ass comment scene. So if you read with any regularity - now is your chance to be known. Include your name and where abouts you're hailing from... even if you can't think of anything legitimate to post. Example:

I'm Chris and I'm from Malibu... holla. Been with RFL from the beginning. Great stuff. Here is a response I have heard often...
"The Nut-Smasher: Who know's what God is doing with all this crap you're experiencing [friend kicks you in the groin] - but I'll bet that takes your mind off of it for awhile!"

Make sense? Then without further ado, here is the repost of "How Do I Respond To Pain.":
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Saturday, I had a conversation with a good friend about some of his recent frustrations. He is in a job right now that is really not fulfilling to him, and feels stuck and unable to move forward in really pursuing the vocation he feels called to. For the better part of a year, he and his wife have been praying that God would provide some new work opportunity, or open the door to something else. Adding to the problem, his current job is relatively far away from home, and moving is not really an option, unless it is to a new job that is going to be able to financially provide for his family.

Although he has been researching and making calls on other opportunities that are more in line with the career he wants to pursue, about a month and a half ago he was contacted by someone whom he had given his resume a while back. The job itself was almost perfect: it was within 10 minutes of home, a move in line with his dream career, a good environment with Christians, and they had contacted him! The hitch was that the position was currently slated to be part-time, and thus could not provide financially unless it was restructured to be full-time. In talking with the organization, my friend was told to put together a proposal for making the position full-time position (and detailing what he would do with it), and last week, the "powers that be" had a meeting to review funding the position as such.

Many of us have been in a situation like this before - maybe not with a job, but with something else that we desperately want God to do. Then, after a long and patient wait, it seems that He is moving on our prayers! We watch with amazement as "divine circumstances" and prayers seem to finally intersect, and wonder at how God could so masterfully weave the improbable with reality. Often, as the fulfillment of the desire gets closer and closer, we feel affirmed in our hearts and spirits, and even can feel like God is confirming that this is what He wants for us. For example, my experience came when I was 14 and waiting to come out of puberty... or, uh... waiting for a friend to come out of puberty. But I digress.

Sometimes, He does confirm his word, and it happens. Other times, however, everything falls through at the last minute when everything seemed like it was all but in the bag. Or even worse... the object of our desire stalls just short of cresting that last hill, and rolls back further than it came in the first place. In my friend's case, everything seemed to be going swimmingly until he received a message on his answering machine: "Some new things came up, and we've filled the position internally."

After over a year of waiting, and coming so close to something that seemed so right on so many levels, one has to ask: “Why God?” Why tease me with this? Why bring something so close, only to have it not work out? Why not just let me keep praying until You are ready to bring it to fruition? Is this even what You want for me? I thought this is what You were saying... I thought You were leading me to this? What gives?

This is really not very different from any type of painful event in our lives – whether a deep desire is kept from us, or a good thing in our life is suddenly taken away or ruined – health, relationship, a home. All of us have been there for something.There are several responses that I have heard over the years in situations like this, and often times, if you share the issue with enough people, you’ll hear each at least once! Among the favorites:

The Cinderella: You may think that you've lost the prince forever and that joy was just a fool's dream, but God's about do something even more amazing in your life! Just wait!

The Joshua: You can see the Promised Land... just claim it in faith man! It's yours if you just keep marching around those walls and believe. Claim it! Pray even more!

The Moses: Maybe there is something in your life that is keeping you from "entering in" to God’s promises. Perhaps God wants you to deal with some sin in your life, and keep you in the desert for awhile. Do you have any idols in your life that you’re not letting go of? This may feel hard, but it's mercy, really- it’s good for you.

The Ying-Yang: Look, everything has a purpose. You can't understand it, but you've just got to believe that everything has a balance and works itself out in the end.

The Eve: We live in a fallen world. This wasn't God - it was the product of sinful people making decisions in sin. It wasn't "meant to happen"- they messed up. Or you did.

The Beelzebub: Satan is really attacking you right now. He’s out to mess up this great work of God; rebuke the enemy! Bind him, and you’ll see the breakthrough. (By the way, it usually doesn’t hurt to “bind him” many, many times over. And don’t forget to cast him to either the outer darkness, or to the feet of Jesus.)

The Green-Thumb: God just wants to grow you. You are maturing as I watch you- amazing! Praise Him for hardship and suffering!

The Avoider: Well, I’ll be praying for that. What’s the score?

I’d be willing to bet that most people have heard all of these responses at some point. Obviously, I’m poking fun at some of them, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I think they are all heretical or way off base (even though, if you notice, some of them blatantly contradict one another).

I’ll be up front now in saying that I’m digging myself into a hole I don’t know how to climb back out of. If you’re going to be disappointed that this article doesn’t have a quaint “wrap-up” at the end that explains the answers in a few verses of scripture, then get ready to be… well, disappointed. What is the right “response” in a situation like this? If we have not yet faced them ourselves, surely, we have been with others that have. What do you say to…

…someone who has given years of work for a Godly purpose, only to see the effort erased in a moment
…a parent whose child does not and may never have a relationship with God
…a friend whose spouse leaves them for another lover
…a relative who is ridden for life with physical pain from a simple, senseless accident?

Even as I write them, responses instinctively pop into my head (most of which, ironically, I just poked fun at above). These responses sometimes seem adequate when we hear them from a friend or comfort ourselves with them. But in my experience, the deeper the pain, the less these explanations fill the nagging, haunting void of “why,” as much as they do distract us from facing the question. Each response either tries to explain the event, or illuminate what we need to do from here – because if we can understand it as having a purpose, or if we can act to fix it, then somehow, the pain is easier to bear. Understanding and action help us to feel some amount of control over the pain, which in turn, makes it seem less painful. In many Christian circles, the only heretical answer is, “who knows” – because it simultaneously implies that God is capriciously loving and cruel, and that we are not close enough to Him to know His intentions.

But is it ok not to have a response? It is possible to simply share the burden? Is it enough to understand, and fearlessly acknowledge the simplicity of frustration or the gravity of devastation – to mourn (not pontificate) with those who mourn? If the question remains, “Why did this happen,” is it ok for the answer to simply be, “I don’t know?” The flaw seems to be in the question. Perhaps “why” isn’t important at all. The most we can acknowledge is what we do not and may never understand, but in spite of it ask, “Father, what do you want to show me in this? Who are You?” If relationship is what Father longs for, then “why” usually will only distract us from really approaching “who.” All explanations seem so inadequate next to simply sharing the pain, and sharing the journey that is designed at every turn to lead us to that relationship. I may never be able to answer the “why” – either for you or myself – but I can share the pain without having a way to control it or justify it, and I can run, or walk, or crawl with you towards knowing Him. And that might just be enough.