My Belated 12 Days of Christmas

If you're like most people, you too have been duped. See, there is this song that we all know, that talks about "12 days of Christmas." Well, I don't know about you, but I've only ever gotten one stinkin' day of Christmas... which means that since my birth, I'm still short a whole 286 days of presents and nog. If we celebrated 12 days of Christmas, we'd have 50% more days of presents than Hanukah - think of how trendy and popular it would be to celebrate Christ's birth then!

In honor of said song, and since I haven't blogged since sometime before Christmas and New Year's, this will be the (quick) catch-up on holiday going-ons: my twelve days of Christmas...

Day 1: We probably watched several episodes of "Lost," season 2, which we were able to find online at a "significant discount."

Day 2: I probably watched the first and second season of "Arrested Development," which I have become addicted to. You can be my "hermano" any day, and watch it with me... just give me a call.

Day 3: We ate incessantly. This really covers all 12 days of Christmas, but that would be a boring update. It all started with our first annual tradition of making Cornish game hens on Christmas eve... and progressed through several prime ribs, a night of shrimp, beef, and chicken fondue, several Dutch and Arabic forms of dessert, stuffed jalapeno peppers and salmon, a sushi-fest, Fenton's in SanFran, diet Coke, several cases of Snapple, a partridge, a pear tree, and vomit-inducing Jones' "Brussel-Sprout" flavored soda.

Day 4: Time with my side of the family on Christmas day. It was good times, and the start of a lot of eating.

Day 5: Driving up to the lakehouse in NorCal in torrential rain. Said rain continued throughout the rest of the week, virtually non-stop. Bad windshield wipers = driving 40mph most of the way.

Day 6: Presents galore. Among the top, I upgraded my digital camera (reviews forthcoming), and several great books, some very special "Scottish Water" that may have been "distilled" and "stored in a cask for 12 years," and a smattering of clothes.

Day 7: Playing the Settlers of Catan with the Zacharia clan. Corrie humiliated me, but I came back with two decisive victories that guaranteed my title as "Lord of Catan" for many weeks to come.

Day 8: A raging bladder infection. Not mine. Corrie's. It exploded on a 3.5 hour drive back to the lakehouse from SanFran, spraying urine and puss everywhere (almost). This was after dropping her fam off to fly back to Hong Kong. We got to spend 2 am - 5 am in more blinding rain at the emergency room (that might have been dramatized for effect).

Day 9: My cup runneth over, as did the lake. 5 days of rain, and the dock and half of the back yard were underwater. Many fun treasures, mostly of the mud or wood variety, find their way into the once-manicured lawn.

Day 10: New Year's Eve. The most overrated holiday of all. We were halfway through "The Negotiator" when midnight struck, and after a short, "woo-hoo," continued our enthrallment with Samuel L. Jackson's plight. (SPOILER: He IS innocent!!)

Day 11: We drive back to So.Cal, in more blinding rain. I sacrifice my body by falling into a puddle and scraping my knees while desperately trying to get inside an auto shop to buy new wipers without getting wet. Failing, a long, bad mood ensued.

Day 12: Back at home, laundry to do, returns to make, and the smoldering remains of a Christmas tree to take down.

Throw in going to the bathroom once or twice, and my annual shower (even though I usually don't need it), and that was pretty much it, folks!