Meet Me in St. Louis (& Idol Worship)

That's right, I'm blogging in St. Louis. I'm here for a very special event; my father is marrying a wonderful woman named Lynn on Saturday. Last summer when Corrie and I were married, dad was my best man, and this time around, I am his! It's a special thing to get to be best man in your own father's wedding. Today, I will get to meet my sister and two brothers first time: Cassie (9), Devon (6) and Clay (5). I hear they are quite a handful, in the best sense! It's been a wonderful visit so far. I've had a chance to get some good reading done in "Inside Out," which I'll review shortly in "the Office," and even had the chance to smoke a cigar late last night with Father on the campus of Concordia Lutheran Seminary, just under the towering statue of Martin Luther, who looks as defiant as ever. I don't know if my face could be replicated well in statue-form... it's just so unique, and my nose is so pointy. I'll be sure to post pictures in the gallery when I get back, and maybe some thoughts on why I never want a religious movement named after me.

It's interesting to me on another level that I arrived in St. Louis on the night when the most watched television program in the nation crowned Carrie Underwood - who originally auditioned for the show in St. Louis - this season's "American Idol." I logged on to msnbc.com earlier today, to find that the story was the 2nd top headline, narrowly beat out by reports that Al-Zarqawi might be seriously wounded or dead. This is not big surprise; an estimated 29 million viewers tuned-in for this year's final episode, up almost a million viewers from last season.

Carrie's most winsome quality, the author notes, was that she was a small-town, wholesome kind of girl. Not voting for her would be like "booing ice cream and apple pie." In other words, it was her innocence that made her seem authentic, if not topped-off by her bambi eyes, soaring vocals, and blonde curls. Carrie has now rocketed from small-town to downtown, and the nation (or at least the 15 million or so that watched and voted for her) is eating out of her farm-handling hands.

Honestly, I didn't really watch the show, and even more honestly, it wasn't directly out of some deep-seated conviction not to. My wife loves it, and so do most of her friends, and I definitely appreciate that there is some amazing vocal talent to go through the contest (and unlike many guys, I actually love vocal performances of just about any type, having been raised in a family of very musically-oriented folks). Nope, by all standards, the show is probably some of the better quality television on these days, and I can be grateful for that.

But I will leave with one thought: what I appreciate about the show is the fact that it doesn't claim to be anything other than exactly what it is. "American Idol." They're out to create a star. They are out to make a no-name, small-town girl with real talent (and probably a great heart) a marketable, profitable, hero-for-the-masses. There will always be something in us, rightfully placed, that looks for heroes, that triumphs in the success of a nobody who has just become a somebody, and I'm sure the producers knew this when they created the show.

I'm not here to make a big deal out of it, but if I am honest with myself, the title does give me pause whenever I hear it. It makes me reflect on what it is inside of us that is drawn to a nobody becoming a somebody. As I sat with my cigar last night, overlooking the beautiful stone buildings of the LUTHERan seminary, I couldn't help but think of what we do to create our "idols," how we come to revere them - even worship them. It's not the show's fault, and it certainly isn't the first or last time we'll find something to set our hope on and devote our attention to. I don't watch the show, but I certainly have my own idols that sometimes outshine the one Headline that should have all my attention. And that makes me... well, it makes me pause, and look inward. The dream that is in us, the desire to know that we are a nobody that can be a Somebody... that is a God-placed desire. But it can only be a God-fulfilled desire.

I really do wish Carrie the best, but it's ironic to me that the very innocence that drew people to Carrie will probably be the first thing to change now that she is an American Idol. We make idols, and we break them when they fail us. Here's hoping we all find the One who deserves our attention, who deserves our admiration, and above all, who deserves our idol worship.

Why Move to China?

Today’s weblog is on China, and you can expect many more to come on this subject. As some of you may (or may not) know, my wife and I are seriously considering moving to China in about a year. There are many reasons for wanting to move (most important of which is that we feel it’s what God wants us to do), but it’s articles like this one that absolutely capture my imagination and reaffirm that this country is going to play a large role (either for better or for worse) in the near and present future. Did I mention the sticky pork buns? Mmmm...

"Does the Future Belong to China" by Fareed Zakaria, Newsweek

I know it’s long, but it is an incredibly worthwhile read. Some highlights to whet your appetite:

- China’s population is 1.3 billion people, four times that of the U.S.
-It is now the world’s largest producer of coal, steel, and cement
-It is the second largest consumer of energy
-Gas prices suck? Yeah, largely because China is now the third largest importer of oil.
-China’s exports to the US have grown 1600% in the last 15 years.
-Starbucks expects it will have more cafés in China than the US in three years
-Walmart (i.e., the biggest corporation in the world) imports $18 billion worth of goods from China every year; 5,000 of Walmart’s 6,000 suppliers are in China.
-It is the world’s fastest growing large economy
-It has the world’s largest army (2.5 million men)

This doesn’t even mention the spiritual dynamics going on in the country right now, which you can be sure will be the topic of future blogs. If you haven't started thinking about China already, now would be a good time to pay attention.

Community and the Net: A Match Made in Heaven

This (hopefully) is going to be an interesting blog for two reasons: first, simply because it is my blog, and I always write gripping entries, and second, because I happen to be writing this particular entry entirely from my Treo 600 smartphone. I am in northern California for the weekend at a (not-so) little lakehouse getaway with a good friend, Andrew Brumme, while Corrie is out of town in Virginia at a friend's wedding. As such, I'm composing this while overlooking the lake, in an area where there is no cell-phone coverage for about a five-mile radius.

Some people may be thinking, "...and you're excited about this?...", but quite frankly, yes I am - and for reasons more grand than the fact that my "inner tech-geek child" gets to come out and swing on the high-bars of a virtual playground. Writing this blog from an internet-enabled smartphone in the middle of rural California actually provides the perfect opportunity to discuss a very interesting conversation Andrew Brumme and I were having on the 7 p.m. to 2:30 a.m. (yippie) drive up, reflecting on how much the internet and e-mail have changed just about everything in the last eight or so years. We've all heard the not-so-new revelation that, "the internet is quite literally the most significant communication advance since the the development of the printing press." This is obvious, and if you haven't thought of it or heard it before, then I wish you the best of luck with that private island you've been stranded on the past decade. Before I go down that road, however, swing by memory lane with me for a second:

- I had *maybe* cited a website once before coming to college for a school project because I had been required to do so. Back then, websites looked really, really lame, and the time it took for pages to load made it impossible for small children to use because because of their short attention spa... hey, the image at the top of the page changes color! Cool!

- When I started college in 1997, I had never used e-mail before. Instead, we wrote notes on paper airplanes and spent countless hours molding the feeble minds of carrier pigeons to do our bidding.

- The first e-mail system I used on campus was known as "Telnet," primarily because programmers at the time had a fondness for onomatopoeia, and "Sucknet" didn't seem as rosy. I had to use a modem to dial-in to a landline phone extension to access the system (whether on or off-campus).

- Before that, my biggest exposure to connectivity was through a now bankrupt service, Prodigy, where I fed a year-long, 7th grade obsession with a bulletin board group of "friends," self-titled, "The Drawing Board" (did you guess that we all fancied ourselves to be comic-book artists?). Basically, all we did was post things to one another about our lives, and occasionally discuss our favorite comic artists, although one groupie (Jenn, I think) who was in college, actually had us send in samples of our work and put it together in a newsletter for a design class, then mailed us the copies. It was cool... no, really...

- These bulletin-board servers (like Prodigy, Compuserve, and AOL), were all enclosed communities, with a paid subscription service. AOL was the first to connect its portal to the internet, and this is the only reason it is still around. By 'around,' I mean that's the only reason you keep getting 1,000,000 free hours on a stinkin' cd from a company that doesn't realize it has no reason to exist.

- Thus, the internet has really only come into invaluable usage in the last 8 years. It's only a 2nd grader, people!

That is mind blowing, and even as I hear myself say it, it smacks of "when I was young, I walked six miles to school every day...why, I still remember the first time I used e-mail in college!" I can't think of many things now that I do (especially at work) that don't involve the internet in some way. But again, why is this important or new?

Because, my friends, for exactly the reason you are reading this right now - we can be connected with any other person on the planet in a way that has never been possible before, and this, by nature, has resulted in a radical shift in how we can initiate and participate in community. Although the realities of that statement apply to all people and groups of people, its repercussions for the Body of Christ may be unparalled since it first became the body of Christ. If the Body is fundamentally about relationship with one another in Christ, then we can find relationship and community across the world in ways not practically possible before now. I can put up a website like Ruined for Life for the sole purpose of expressing and sharing some pieces of the journey that God has been leading me on, and every person I currently have relationship with on that journey can share it with me in a way they probably wouldn't otherwise. Furthermore, as they share their own journey through this outlet, or pass it along to other people they know, those people are are also drawn into a community that is not limited by geography or time. This doesn't even take into account the people that might happen across this community on their own through a search engine.

Even beyond this, however, there is access to so much information that can be incredibly edifying on that journey. Teachings, articles, music - we can find this in abundance and with an ease that simply was not possible before. Although the criticism may not be entirely fair, modern Christianity and institutional churches have sometimes fallen into the same power control that was so highly criticized in the illiterate parishes of the middle ages; wheras the priests and clergy were the only ones that 'knew' the Word (because they were the only ones who could read it), modern churches elevate pastors to the same caste of 'spiritual elite' because of advanced degrees and seminary training. Although there is much to be gained from this type of study, it can dilute what was meant to be a "priesthood of believers" into a mere "audience of believers." The ability to share - and personally contribute - in a community of so many makes the idea of following a particilarly gifted teacher/pastor/leader around seem ludicrious (or rather, exposes it as always having been ludicrous).

Welcome to the community; its great to meet you, however it is you got here, and I for one look forward to what God will do with these new ways to share our journey together!

The Birthday To End All Birthdays

Birthdays are definitely worth celebrating. Especially this one. Here's to many more years and many more miles, old friend.

Then a Song Came Along

The other night, I was at home alone, and through various circumstances was feeling generally crappy. In this season of my life, I've really been learning about the reality of things that can happen to us that - no matter what good may ultimately come out of them - will always simply hurt in a deep place. For me, that situation largely comes back to my parent's divorce three years ago, and despite good that has come of of an otherwise horrible situation, the divorce itself and the loss of my family as such will always hurt very deeply. There is nothing that can be done about it; it's not a matter of "being emotionally healed," because I think I have been to a large extent. It is the simple yet profound reality that in this world (as promised, incidentally) we will have trouble - and not just the inconvenient, "crap, I got stuck behind another red light" kind of trouble. Trouble will come in deep, profound disappointment, heartbreak, sadness and lonliness at some point(s).

It may sound childish, and probably was, but up until that single event in my life, I had never had to face that reality. Any "trouble" that had come my way before then had been such that I could get away to a quiet place, reconcile my heart, anxieties, or pain with God, and simply put it behind me and move on. If I really sat down and dug it up, I suppose it would still hurt, but not like this. This has been a lasting sadness that, in fact, has actually grown deeper with time. It is not to say it has robbed me of my joy (and I intentionally distinguish 'joy' as being different from 'happiness'), but it has certainly grown with me, aged with me, and fermented from a bitter wine to a smooth, sad one. I can't shake it, so to speak, though I have certainly sought to as before through hours of solitude and laying my frustrations and hurt before God. Only recently have I realized that no amount of introspection or time alone with God would neatly put bookends on the experience, and close off the pain. It will be with me the rest of my life.

It is events like these that are among the hardest to face in life, although often the foundation for the deepest growth of the human spirit. It may come through divorce, it may come through death, it may come through rejection, betrayal, or failure; in fact, it is foolish to speculate the type of event it could be for a person, because taken in proportion, what might seem a small trial in one life could be sheer devastation in that of another. There are times in facing these hard realities of lasting hurt when the world, and everything in it, can seem dark indeed. Even having the head-knowledge of the repercussions of a soverign, omnipotent God giving man the free will to choose - or not choose - His love, and that what is gained for sin, pain, and death is well worth the cost, my heart-reality only cries out: "What is the point, if there is some pain that cannot be redeemed? Why couldn't You, the all-powerful, all-knowing Father, have made the world some other way?" [By the way, if you don't believe in free will, it gets even worse, because then it's definitely God's fault.]

It was the other night that this head-knowledge and heart-reality were wrestling (very verbally and out-loud) with God, when from nowhere (and by nowhere, I certianly mean Somewhere) a song started playing in my head. It was a David Wilcox song I haven't listened to in years, and literally, without permission, interruped everything I could say, think or feel. Click here to open the music player. Select "David Wilcox: Show the Way" as the track as you read long with the sung words.

You say you see no hope.
You say you see no reason we should dream
That the world would ever change
You're saying love is foolish to believe.
'Cause they'll always be some crazy,
With an army, or a knife,
To wake you from your daydream,
Put the fear back in your life.

Look, if someone wrote a play
Just to glorify what's stronger than hate
Would they not arrange the stage
To look as if the hero came too late?
He's almost in defeat
It's lookin' like the evil side will win
So on the edge of every seat,
From the moment that the whole thing begins

It is Love who mixed the mortar
And it's Love who stacked these stones
And it's Love who made the stage here,
Although it looks like we're alone
In this scene, set in shadows
Like the night is here to stay
There is evil cast around us,
But it's Love that wrote the play
For in this darkness Love can show the way

... And that moment, my heart closed it's eyes, nodded slowly, and rested. Amen.

How Do I Respond to Pain?

Saturday, I had a conversation with a good friend about some of his recent frustrations. He is in a job right now that is really not fulfilling to him, and feels stuck and unable to move forward in really pursuing the vocation he feels called to. For the better part of a year, he and his wife have been praying that God would provide some new work opportunity, or open the door to something else. Adding to the problem, his current job is relatively far away from home, and moving is not really an option, unless it is to a new job that is going to be able to financially provide for his family.

Although he has been researching and making calls on other opportunities that are more in line with the career he wants to pursue, about a month and a half ago he was contacted by someone whom he had given his resume a while back. The job itself was almost perfect: it was within 10 minutes of home, a move in line with his dream career, a good environment with Christians, and they had contacted him! The hitch was that the position was currently slated to be part-time, and thus could not provide financially unless it was restructured to be full-time. In talking with the organization, my friend was told to put together a proposal for making the position full-time position (and detailing what he would do with it), and last week, the "powers that be" had a meeting to review funding the position as such.

Many of us have been in a situation like this before - maybe not with a job, but with something else that we desperately want God to do. Then, after a long and patient wait, it seems that He is moving on our prayers! We watch with amazement as "divine circumstances" and prayers seem to finally intersect, and wonder at how God could so masterfully weave the improbable with reality. Often, as the fulfillment of the desire gets closer and closer, we feel affirmed in our hearts and spirits, and even can feel like God is confirming that this is what He wants for us. For example, my experience came when I was 14 and waiting to come out of puberty... or, uh... waiting for a friend to come out of puberty. But I digress.

Sometimes, He does confirm his word, and it happens. Other times, however, everything falls through at the last minute when everything seemed like it was all but in the bag. Or even worse... the object of our desire stalls just short of cresting that last hill, and rolls back further than it came in the first place. In my friend's case, everything seemed to be going swimmingly until he received a message on his answering machine: "Some new things came up, and we've filled the position internally."

After over a year of waiting, and coming so close to something that seemed so right on so many levels, one has to ask: “Why God?” Why tease me with this? Why bring something so close, only to have it not work out? Why not just let me keep praying until You are ready to bring it to fruition? Is this even what You want for me? I thought this is what You were saying... I thought You were leading me to this? What gives?

This is really not very different from any type of painful event in our lives – whether a deep desire is kept from us, or a good thing in our life is suddenly taken away or ruined – health, relationship, a home. All of us have been there for something.There are several responses that I have heard over the years in situations like this, and often times, if you share the issue with enough people, you’ll hear each at least once! Among the favorites:

The Cinderella: You may think that you've lost the prince forever and that joy was just a fool's dream, but God's about do something even more amazing in your life! Just wait!

The Joshua: You can see the Promised Land... just claim it in faith man! It's yours if you just keep marching around those walls and believe. Claim it! Pray even more!

The Moses: Maybe there is something in your life that is keeping you from "entering in" to God’s promises. Perhaps God wants you to deal with some sin in your life, and keep you in the desert for awhile. Do you have any idols in your life that you’re not letting go of? This may feel hard, but it's mercy, really- it’s good for you.

The Ying-Yang: Look, everything has a purpose. You can't understand it, but you've just got to believe that everything has a balance and works itself out in the end.

The Eve: We live in a fallen world. This wasn't God - it was the product of sinful people making decisions in sin. It wasn't "meant to happen"- they messed up. Or you did.

The Beelzebub: Satan is really attacking you right now. He’s out to mess up this great work of God; rebuke the enemy! Bind him, and you’ll see the breakthrough. (By the way, it usually doesn’t hurt to “bind him” many, many times over. And don’t forget to cast him to either the outer darkness, or to the feet of Jesus.)

The Green-Thumb: God just wants to grow you. You are maturing as I watch you- amazing! Praise Him for hardship and suffering!

The Avoider: Well, I’ll be praying for that. What’s the score?

I’d be willing to bet that most people have heard all of these responses at some point. Obviously, I’m poking fun at some of them, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I think they are all heretical or way off base (even though, if you notice, some of them blatantly contradict one another).

I’ll be up front now in saying that I’m digging myself into a hole I don’t know how to climb back out of. If you’re going to be disappointed that this article doesn’t have a quaint “wrap-up” at the end that explains the answers in a few verses of scripture, then get ready to be… well, disappointed. What is the right “response” in a situation like this? If we have not yet faced them ourselves, surely, we have been with others that have. What do you say to…

…someone who has given years of work for a Godly purpose, only to see the effort erased in a moment
…a parent whose child does not and may never have a relationship with God
…a friend whose spouse leaves them for another lover
…a relative who is ridden for life with physical pain from a simple, senseless accident?

Even as I write them, responses instinctively pop into my head (most of which, ironically, I just poked fun at above). These responses sometimes seem adequate when we hear them from a friend or comfort ourselves with them. But in my experience, the deeper the pain, the less these explanations fill the nagging, haunting void of “why,” as much as they do distract us from facing the question. Each response either tries to explain the event, or illuminate what we need to do from here – because if we can understand it as having a purpose, or if we can act to fix it, then somehow, the pain is easier to bear. Understanding and action help us to feel some amount of control over the pain, which in turn, makes it seem less painful. In many Christian circles, the only heretical answer is, “who knows” – because it simultaneously implies that God is capriciously loving and cruel, and that we are not close enough to Him to know His intentions.

But is it ok not to have a response? It is possible to simply share the burden? Is it enough to understand, and fearlessly acknowledge the simplicity of frustration or the gravity of devastation – to mourn (not pontificate) with those who mourn? If the question remains, “Why did this happen,” is it ok for the answer to simply be, “I don’t know?” The flaw seems to be in the question. Perhaps “why” isn’t important at all. The most we can acknowledge is what we do not and may never understand, but in spite of it ask, “Father, what do you want to show me in this? Who are You?” If relationship is what Father longs for, then “why” usually will only distract us from really approaching “who.” All explanations seem so inadequate next to simply sharing the pain, and sharing the journey that is designed at every turn to lead us to that relationship. I may never be able to answer the “why” – either for you or myself – but I can share the pain without having a way to control it or justify it, and I can run, or walk, or crawl with you towards knowing Him. And that might just be enough.

Progress Coming Nicely

Well, I have almost completely re-written the html and scripts on this page to mesh with the template for my site. I started with http://ruinedforlife.blogspot.com, figured out how to transfer the template over to my server, and then how to modify the contents of the page so it didn't look like a .blogspot blog. I'm fairly pleased, although I can't yet get the regular "look" of the living room in the reading pane to match up without messing up the frames royally. I think I'll be able to figure it out tomorrow.

The important news, though, is that it looks like I'll have a blog that can handle comments, date-stamps, and archiving. That's pretty cool. I was concerned it would be too difficult to have within the site - as some of the others I have seen actually send people to an outside site, which is ugly. This way, you can stay right at home in the living room as you read and comment.

Thanks, God- this is fun. Peace in.