Totally Unspiritual Post of the Week, #6

I consider myself someone who revels in pranks. Pranks (that don't harm anyone... permanently) appeal to that rebel-without-a-cause in all of us, and can be great for building rapport with friends and or getting fired or incarcerated. Pranks are also very biblical - they're everywhere in scriptures. For example, when God made the animals, the Chihuahua was a prank - unfortunately, this was omitted by a careless Judean scribe, which is why no one in Malibu understands their dog is a cosmic joke. Jesus probably loved pranks, which is why there are stories about him making fig trees shrivel up, rubbing mud in people's eyes, and inventing the whoopie cusion. Some of the pranks I have personally played a part in include:

The Road-Block: I don't recommend this, but I like to think it was before I got to college and learned how to be responsible. Mainly perpetrated with a high-school friend, Mike Kirsch, this involved collecting parking cones, caution tape, and detour signs from construction sites, and (around 3 or 4 a.m.) blocking off El Toro Road (one of the "main" roads in Lake Forest where I went to High School) without any obvious detours. We would try to do this in a stretch of road where there was a median and no place to turn around. Usually, we would find a place to park nearby to watch what people would do. We also discovered that parking cones, when run over, will drag themselves under the car, and then right themselves when you back-up. How convenient!

Balancing Mattress: In our residence halls, I figured out that mattresses were supported by 3 or 4 slats of wood. The slats could be removed, however, and the mattress could be carefully balanced on the lip of the bed frame, giving the appearance of everything being normal - until you sat on the bed, which is when you would fall through the frame on to the floor, or bunk-bed beneath you.

The Small-Timer: These were little, fun pranks. Usually, they involved my two college friends, Chuck Engelmann and Greg Campbell, who were both RA's, and, as such, often left their room door open and unattended. This was convenient for sneaking into their rooms whenever I had a particularly large poo to get rid of (and not flushing it), or writing things like "I love sweaty Asian boys" on their laptop screen-savers or bathroom mirrors. With Chuck being an avid journaler, it also included writing some type of significant confession (like a particular fondness for Asian boys) on some page in the middle of his journal.

The Fish Fan: At some point, some people I lived with in the residence halls at college tried to "prank me" by stapling a piece of fish underneath the couch in my suite. After a day or two, I noticed our usual suite smell of rotten cabbage had taken on the distinct odor of decomposing fish, and discovered their plan. Somehow, the fish was taken to the perpetrators bathroom, and after unscrewing the heat fan/lamp above the shower, left inside to continue a cycle of re-heating, rotting, and blowing said smell down into their bathroom.

The Diploma Swap: Have you ever noticed that few people really pay attention to those diplomas hanging on your wall? Sure, they might see the university name, but other than that, it's just a bunch of "herewiths" and "theretofores." That's why it can be really fun to scan a friend's diploma, change a few minor details, re-hang it in the frame, and see how long it takes them to notice it. It's also fun to occasionally send people into the office to look at it while they are there, and say things like, "Oh, so you graduated from Azusa Pacific I see...". This took Michael Houston, a coworker of mine, several weeks to notice- and it was only because someone started snickering when I had sent them in. Click the image to enlarge it.


The Dixie-Cup: This prank was performed with Jessie Price, a friend from Pepperdine. He was dating a girl at the time that lived in some apartments off campus, and whom he was engaged in a prank-war with. They had started with small stuff, and at some point it escalated to things like him breaking into her house and removing absolutely every edible item (which was then donated in the church foodbank), and finally her removing the wheels from his car and placing it on cinder blocks while he was in church. In retaliation for the latter, Jesse managed to get a copy of her apartment key without her knowledge, and over the course of time, befriended the guard at the gate to her apartment complex.

One night, when his girlfriend was scheduled to be at a concert until 4 am, we went to Ralph’s and purchased 3,000 mini Dixie cups (no exaggeration). We then were waved through the gate by Jesse's guard-friend, got into her apartment, and proceeded to stack every piece of furniture against the far wall. In the back, bottom corner, we were careful to leave the stereo system plugged in, with a "Village People" album inside the cd tray. This was a complex operation, and involved accessing detailed architectural designs for the building, and mapping out every aspect of the operation. (click it to enlarge):



Over the course of the next 4-5 hours, we carefully placed each of the Dixie cups on the floor between the front door and all of the furniture. Each cup was filled with water, and stapled to the cups surrounding it. Just enough room was left to open the front door to the apartment; otherwise, every inch of the floor had a Dixie cup on it.

Before leaving, we used the remote to turn on the buried stereo, and left "YMCA" on repeat.

I'd be interested to hear of some other pranks people have partaken in. There is a certain comradery to be had in sharing these stories and triumphs of devious creativity.

**Disclaimer: This post was inspired after stumbling across the story of a particularly elaborate prank involving an e-bayer who was fraudulently trying to purchase an iMac Powerbook through a scam escrow service. With the help of the internet, donations, and a network of people across the globe, this crook was put in his place many, many times over. Love it!