My Birthday Wishlist

That's right, my birthday is coming up. Due to internet identity theft, I won't say when my birthday is, but if you send me any of the gifts I have on my list below, make sure they arrive around the end of June-ish. So without further ado: here is my top-10 birthday wishlist:

10) This Catfish: It’s the world’s biggest catfish, people! If you put this thing on a circus tour, it’d bring home more bacon than Microsoft stock in the 90’s.

9) Cocaine Wars: I don't think this even needs an explanation.

8) Hummer With Machine Gun Mount: This should help me deter cocaine harvesters if I am even involved in an actual Cocaine war, but beyond that, it is totally practical for blending in with Malibu-ites.

7) A "Your Mom Goes To College" T-Shirt: I’m sure that someday, someone who I know will have a mother that will go to college. And I want to be prepared for that day.

6) Rhode Island: Don’t even try to tell me that someone is going to miss it. It’s barely there as it is.

5) The Old Man of Storr: This Scottish landmark is wasted on the Isle of Skye. It would make an awesome addition to the patio outside of my apartment, however.

4) The Blarney Stone: I’ve already kissed it, but having this puppy at home would really give us some quality time to “get acquainted.” A national speaking tour, and I’m set for life.

3) A Zoldar-Speaks Machine: You know, the one that was responsible for the title of Tom Hank’s movie, “Big.” It's the gift that keeps on giving. Who wouldn’t want to be able to make their own wish for only a nickel?

2) Uncle Booger's Dumper Bumper: The real question is, why don’t I already have one? If I could only figure out a way to use the dumper bumper on my Hummer while manning the machine gun mount, I could officially claim the title of “most manly-man, ever.”

1) A Silver Canon Digital Rebel XT (with 18-55mm lens): The perfect combination of maunal and automatic settings in a digital SLR camera = fun times for many, many years.